Sunday, 29 April 2018

Life Update: Moving Back To London & Letting Go.

These words are nine years in the making. Eleven years ago I moved to Australia, and fell in love. With the country, the beaches, the sunshine, my friends, and a boy. When I had to return to England nine years ago, I was heartbroken. I felt as though I had been torn away from the place I was supposed to live forever, and over the next seven years all I did was dream of moving back there.

I went through a number of stages in my grief. The first three years or so were filled with tears, anger, sadness. After that came acceptance, but with a longing, and obsession with looking at the long-term goal of working my way up to being able to move back to Australia with my job. When we lived there before we were on my Dad's 457 visa, and I wasn't a permanent resident so would need my own work visa to move back again. I finally did it almost two years ago. After years of goals, planning, dreaming, and hard work. I did it. I lived my dream.

And now, I'm letting go. 

When I moved back to Australia I didn't know how long it would be for. I wasn't sure how I would feel living there as an adult almost ten years after the first time. A lot changes in ten years, I grew from a teenager into an actual grown-up adult with life experiences and an incredible friendship circle. I matured from that naive young girl who romanticised everything and couldn't control her emotions, to a young woman who...well, still romanticises everything and finds it difficult to control emotions at times ;)

The thing is, I knew I would either fall in love with Australia all over again, or I would find closure and be able to move on with my life in London, in a way I couldn't before.

Eleven years after I first moved there at the tender age of sixteen, I'm finally able to let go. And I'm proud. So, so proud. It takes bravery, maturity, and being comfortable in your own self to let go of the past and admit that some things are better left there. Some things aren't meant to be your future. And being brave enough to try it out and make sure I never have to think 'but what if...' about it again, makes me feel so free.

I feel free of the past, safe in the knowledge that it happened and that those memories are safely stored in photos, videos, and my mind. I can look back at those days and smile, recognising how much I learnt, the impact that move had on my life, how that experience brought me so much joy, but how it wasn't meant to be forever. 

It was a time in my life that happened for a reason, to teach me and lead me to where I am now. Every single thing in your life happens for a reason, even the tiniest things that at the time seemingly have no meaning, until years later when it dawns on you that if that tiny little thing hadn't have happened, you wouldn't be where you are today. It may be a word of advice from someone, a night out, a bold decision to be yourself no matter the backlash, a chance meeting after you take a wrong route, or maybe just a smile and the start of a friendship. 

Over the past year and a half I've learnt so much about myself. I moved to the other side of the world alone with no job or home at the end of my journey, I organised the entire move and process by myself, I found my dream job with my dream client, I found a dreamy home with an amazing housemate, I explored a new city and made friends and threw myself into new experiences. I worked on not one but two of my dream clients (shout out to you incredible people at Tourism Australia and Coca-Cola!), I learnt new skills and grew in my career when I'd felt stuck back home in my old job. I created a routine, joined a gym, went on a health kick. I cut out sugar (for a short time), cut down on my dairy intake, and gave up alcohol for a few months. I did things I could never have even imagined me doing a couple of years ago.

I became an actual real life adult. I did things like finding a new doctor, paying bills, navigating the Australian tax system. I also went through a huge loss earlier this year, completely alone and without my support system around me. I did everything by myself and with no help. For some these things might seem small, but to me who has always relied on my parents for help and advice every step of the way, it's been a huge achievement stepping outside of my comfort zone and privileged middle-class bubble. I've grown so much, and I feel so proud of myself and how far I've come.

I risked everything to return to Australia. I left my stable and secure job in London, and moved across the world with no job at the end. I used my savings to make the move (moving across the world is not cheap), knowing that if I couldn't find a job my savings would disappear and I would have failed and would have to call my parents to help me get home.

But if you don't push yourself out of your comfort zone, and if you don't risk everything to follow your dreams, then what's the point in life? You can't go through life wondering 'what if', because at the end of your life you will regret those things you didn't do and those dreams you didn't pursue. Even if you fail, or even if it doesn't go as well as you hoped, at least you tried. At least you gave it a go and can hold you head high knowing that you were brave enough to do it.

Australia and Perth will always have a special place in my heart. But they will no longer take over my heart. And now, I finally feel ready to go home. Home. My actual real home. The home I was born into, the home I grew up in, the home where my family are, where my friends are, and where I truly belong. 

So, this Brit will see you soon England. I can't wait to see what you have in-store for me in this new era!

I'll be giving some more details soon, but I leave my job in Sydney on 11th May, and will land back in London on 5th June! 

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