Ever since I was a kid I’ve been super sensitive. I never really understood why small things would play on my mind so much, why I felt so much empathy for people and things I’d never even met or knew, why loud noises made me jump so much, and why category 12A horror films made me cry so much and scarred me for life. My parents always used to say how psychologists would have a field day with me, and I always thought I was just a bit odd. Until I got some sort of answer for why I’m so sensitive.It was a couple of years ago that a friend sent me an article about highly sensitive people, and was like ‘this is you!’. And she was so right, every single thing was me, and it made me feel more normal to have an answer as to why I was like this! Apparently the medical term is ‘Sensory Processing Sensitivity’, which is when people have nervous systems that process stimuli more intensely.
I can’t deal with horror films
Loud noises make me jump and my heart skip a beat
I’m the most forgiving person you’ll ever meet
I see the smallest little details that others don’t notice
Me “No, but the edge is different”I also have this weird ability to feel when a room or house is haunted. My family and I once went to a nuclear bunker, and in the TV room I walked in and immediately felt like I was going to be sick. I can’t even explain it but this overwhelming sense of there being something wrong with the room just hit me out of nowhere. I had to leave the room because I went all dizzy and faint, and one of the staff members told us that the room is where they used to torture people, and every so often they get someone who has the same reaction as I did.
Large crowds overwhelm me and I have to escape ASAP
I feel too deeply
The empathy I feel for everything is overwhelming
Animals, insects, people, plants, food, things. You name it, I feel empathy for it. Sometimes I wonder how I’m not vegan. It’s only since living in Australia that I’ve learnt to kill cockroaches and mosquitoes. You’re probably wondering how on earth I feel empathy for plants and food?! Well. As a teenager I once cried because my friend picked a leaf off a tree and tore it up. My reasoning? “But a plant is a living thing! You hurt it when you tore it up and killed it!” I also cried when I couldn’t keep my Mint plant alive and it died. I still feel guilty about it one year on.And food? I’ve always had this thing where I can’t leave ‘one’ thing of food, I’ll either eat it, or I have to leave ‘two’ things so they’re together and the one thing isn’t alone. Also, I drive like 5mph from the motorway to my house at night because I’m SO terrified of hitting and killing a fox. London to Guildford? Takes me 40minutes. Driving from the Guildford turn-off 2 miles down the road to my house? 20minutes.
Music makes the my hairs stand on end
I worry about other people’s feelings too much
If I’m ever having an argument with someone (ya know, like a boy), I ALWAYS think of the other person’s feelings rather than my own. I never put myself first and am always worried about how the other person feels and how my actions and words have affected (or will affect) them.If I do ever say anything bad in the heat of the moment, I’ll always be the first one to apologize because I literally spend every hour of every day afterwards feeling like the worst human being ever. Even words I said to people 10-15 years ago, or things I did, I still feel awful for saying/doing them and still think about it every so often.
I often remove myself from a party for a couple of hours
My friends often make fun of me because I’m always the person to ‘peak too soon’ at a party. Aka, I usually have to remove myself after a few hours to have some alone time for an hour or so. A lot of people assume it’s because I’m drunk, but it’s actually because I just need some quiet and peace. I literally go to a quiet room in the house and have a nap or just lay on the bed and take some deep breaths to relax me before going back to the party.
Even at my own house parties, I often leave my guests when it’s in full swing because I find myself really overwhelmed by the crowd of people and the noise. I just need some time out to relax myself, de-stress, and have some quiet time before heading back to the chaos. I’ve also been known to go to sleep at 3am at my own house parties, and allowed everyone else to stay and continue partying downstairs without me… lolz. One time I woke up and everyone was still there at 8am.
I cry over the smallest things
If someone says something that *could* be a criticism…HA
Likewise, someone else’s mood can affect me massively
Grief affects me super strongly
I’ve experienced a lot of loss and grief throughout my life, and it’s always affected me really badly. My feelings for everything and everyone are so deep that when I lose someone, even if they’ve had a small impact on my life, I struggle hugely with dealing with that loss.I’m also really open when it comes to dealing with grief and feel much better when I talk about it. Which goes against everything that is British. British people find it awkward when people are emotional or having a hard time, so I feel like I have to internalize it all and I get locked in this circle of needing to talk but not feeling able to. I’m super lucky that I have a few friends who are amazing at dealing with me when I’m like this and say all the right things to me to allow me to feel comfortable getting it all out to them. Guys, if you’re reading this, I love you so freaking much <3
I’m sensitive to weird things
Lights, smells, the feel of clothing, and temperature all affect me. Bright lights give me headaches, and if an item of clothing is just a teeny bit scratchy it drives me mad and I literally feel like I have to tear it off. I also get really creeped out and the hairs on my neck stand on end and I feel genuinely uncomfortable if someone invades my personal space and stands too close to me or behind me (but I’m pretty sure this happens to most people!).I’m also super sensitive to smells; I’ve vomited in Hampton Court Palace numerous times over the years because I find the smell of the tapestries there too overwhelming. I’m also really sensitive to temperature, and if I’m slightly too hot I get really panicky and restless and feel as thought I’m suffocating – I need to have some sort of fresh/cool air around me. Which is funny considering I live in Australia…
I can’t do ‘favourites’ and making decisions is a struggle
When people ask me to choose a ‘favourite’ I can’t do it, this is mainly because I think of every outcome and situation that that decision could impact. So if someone asked me my favourite colour, I would say, “Well sometimes it’s blue because I love the ocean and blue sky, but then it’s also sometimes yellow because yellow makes me happy, and then it’s also red”.Likewise if someone asks me my favourite food, “Well it’s lasagne because I never tire of eating it, but I also love cake – but what type of cake depends on how I feel that day, and then it’s also guacamole when I feel like something lighter. But what if I get bored of guacamole or suddenly decide I don’t like it? Then I’ve TOLD someone it’s my favourite…do I then tell them it’s no longer my favourite months/years later so they don’t tell someone ‘oh guac is Catherine’s fave food’ when actually it isn’t anymore?”
I love fiercely and am the most loyal person ever
Reading all this you’re probably thinking, she runs away from crowds and parties, is this girl a secret introvert? Nah. I’m actually an extrovert. Usually ‘HSP’s’ are introverts, but I’m one of the odd ones. I do need time out to be by myself sometimes though, but it’s nowhere near as much as normal introverts. Also, despite what all the above might suggest, you really don’t need to tread on eggshells around me. My closest and dearest friends and the ones I love the most are the ones who literally point blank say to me “I love you but you’re being ridiculous about this” or “It doesn’t really matter that much” or “Take a day to think about this and we’ll talk about it tomorrow if it’s still upsetting you”. I need people to tell me abruptly when I’m being overly ridiculous, but also be understanding about WHY I react the way I do to certain things.
Yes I’m a bit cray cray, and my friends and family are all CHAMPIONS for putting up with me and my quirkiness and loving me anyway, despite the fact I might get all emosh if they say something even half-nice to me! As you can imagine, all of the above can sometimes make relationships tricky. I’m just hoping that some day I’ll find someone who understands and appreciates my deep thinking and quirkiness (*ahem* craziness), and doesn’t get scared off by my crazy intense ways of thinking.
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We love you C1. And it's because you're you!
Oh C, this post explains a lot for me too. I genuinely feel the same way about quite a few of the things you listed. I sometimes just at people coming out of lifts or walking around the corner, even though you expect them to, like you I just thought I was odd all this time…
I could totally resonate with so much of this! Keep being you! Xx
Ok, literally EVERYTHING you just talked about here is stuff that I experience too! I can't handle horror films at all, I consider other people's feelings in everything (even if they're being rude to me) and I regularly get overwhelmed by the 'too-muchness' of the world! I don't think I experience things quite as strongly as you do, but I've definitely felt like (and have been told that) I'm 'too sensitive'. But I agree that being this way means that I'm also really thoughtful and empathetic and always do my best to consider people's feelings.
Thank you for sharing! I can 100% relate.
Georgie xo
No worries, SO glad I'm not the only one! It's such a weird thing, I just always assumed I was a weirdo until my friend found the article haha.
C x
Yeh you are definitely similar to me Aftab, haha. It's ok, we can be odd together!
Miss you!!
C x
Love you guys too!! So excited to see you again in June!
C x
Hahaha, we are definitely very similar in our sensitivities! x
I can relate to so much of this! I've always been emotionally sensitive but now get really irritated by crowds, overly-loud noise and extreme temperatures. Not great for living in a big city!