Saturday, 30 July 2016

London Dating Issues When You Live an Unusual Lifestyle.

There are two things I don't really talk about on my blog; work and dating. They're two very personal and private things that I like to keep to myself and my close circle of friends. However, over the next month I'm partnering up with Luxy, a relatively new dating app that hopes to help connect like-minded people (and wallets) together. And so as a little intro, I thought I'd get my girls together, find out their own experiences on dating apps, and tell you all about it. Because let's face it, it's kinda sucky at times.

As I have done for the past five years, I'll continue to keep the juicy details of my dating life private, and save them for my friends with those Whatsapp messages that begin with "SO....". However, just as a bit of background info...I got out of a long-term very intense relationship nearly five years ago (just after I started this blog). I really threw myself into the London social scene after that to take my mind off things, made some really incredible friends, and was loving the single life.

A few months later I met a guy through said friends and after a few weeks of being a bit of a bitch to him I finally agreed to go on a date with him. I was in my final year of Uni, and for a couple of months things were brilliant and exciting, but six months later he had only got as far as meeting my dog, the spark had gone, and I was completely bored as I realized that once the spark and excitement had gone, we didn't really have that much to talk about and that much in common. So I ended it.

Since then I've dated a few different guys, all of them nice enough (and a couple I'm still friends with and I love them as friends!), but it always comes down to the fact that I just haven't been able to feel settled in London. I've always known that I'll move back to Australia at some point in the near future, and I didn't want anything or anyone to stop me. So I always finish things before they get too intense or serious.

A lot of my friends are also single, and we have a Whatsapp group which has had some pretty hilarious discussions and dating stories! All of my single girl friends are on the popular dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, and Happn), and although I tried Tinder after Phoebe persuaded me to do it for the hilarious stories, I didn't really go crazy on it and didn't particularly enjoy it...

The main reason I didn't really enjoy Tinder was it made me realize just how critical I am and how judgmental I am just from a few photos and a bio! After a while they all just seem the same. The photos are all similar, the bios are all similar (why is it every guy on Tinder has backpacked around Asia and cuddled a tiger!? So basic. And how the hell am I ever supposed to tell these backpacking lovers that I've never stayed in a hostel without them judging me?), and apart from the odd few none of them seem to have good banter.

The problem with my friends and I, and our social circle in general, is that unless we give up our social life, we somehow have to find a guy that is okay with our friends and events. A guy who is okay with wearing a morning suit to Ascot, and who is okay with private member's clubs and white tie balls and black tie balls and various other parties and occasions. A guy who is okay with politics and our friends who sometimes like to waste good champagne by drunkenly pouring it over your face. And a guy who won't judge us and shout at us if we spend an insane amount of money on a new fridge*.

Whenever any of us start dating a new guy, all of us ask each other "But could you actually let him meet your parents? Could you actually let him meet your friends? Could you take him to an event without him thinking your group of friends and the people you hang out with are a bunch of stuck up w*****s. Or even if he does think that, can he at least just suck it up and not say anything about it because he knows they make you laugh and make you happy?

It's a tough one. And although some people might say we just need a balance between our social life and a more normal life, why should we compromise and give it up when we have so much fun? Surely it just means we need to quit the dating apps that are full of every single guy in London, and choose apps that are slightly more selective. Apps that have men on them that we know will be okay with our social life. Where it is also the type of social life they lead, and are already used to the weirdness and wonderfulness of it all.

Just a few stories from the girls, who will remain anonymous...

Anon #1*
We'd been seeing each other for a few weeks and I proudly showed him my new fridge, and the guy was horrified at the amount it had cost and literally shouted at me and started ranting about 'people like you'. He said "it makes me sick that you think it's acceptable to spend that much on a fridge". Rude.
Anon #2
He asked me to meet him at Leicester Square...why...just why!?
Anon #3
He told me he was taking me to the best club in London. He took me to Croydon. I stuck out like a sore thumb and he sat down and asked me to dance for him.
Anon #4
The worst was a guy who assumed I was stupid just because I didn’t have a degree in the same field as him (I was too shocked to test him on my field of study). Also, he brought two croissants with him and proceeded to eat both when I turned down the one he offered me. The funniest thing was that he messaged me when I got home saying he really liked the “tension” we’d had, and could we meet again. (Suffice to say, I declined.) 
Anon #5
He wrote me a really long report about the date. Who does that? And it was really badly written to boot - written in salesman speak. Having an English degree, I'm afraid that was the final nail in an already nail-ridden coffin.
Anon #6
He asked me who my favourite Patron Saint was.
Anon #7
We just weren't compatible and were from very different backgrounds. I ended up paying for everything and I felt as though he was just using me to fund his life because he knew about my family situation and background.
And a bonus one from one of my male friends:
I'd been seeing a girl, and thought it was time I took her to an event at my private members club. I told her the dress code, but her outfit was inappropriate, and she got so drunk she started insulting other guests and members, and eventually I had to carry her out and put her in a taxi home because she couldn't walk.

Which brings in Luxy. Luxy is a luxury dating app that claims to be "the leading luxury millionaire dating app for the wealthy, successful, beautiful and attractive singles who like all things Luxury", it self-describes itself as 'Tinder minus the poor people', and although the tagline is really rather harsh, the general concept is pretty good. It's aimed at people who would rather go on dates to the hottest restaurants and bars in town, rather than your local Weatherspoons or Nandos.

When I first heard about the app I was concerned about the intentions of the users (for obvious reasons), but the app says "Luxy is not an app for sugar daddy and sugar baby relationships. Luxy focus on helping users find real love with likeminded people. People who are ambitious, driven, successful, attractive, wealthy, enjoy luxury and most importantly, looking for love." which is reassuring!

Over the next few weeks I'll be testing it out to see if it is what it claims to be, and I'll report back with my findings! I'm also going to get the girls to have a go on my account and see what they think on the user experience and concept. My friend Anon #4 has used dating apps a fair amount, so I asked her what her experiences have been on other apps and what she does/doesn't like about them!
"I’ve used both Tinder and Bumble and I like that they are linked to Facebook, as (hopefully!) it makes it harder to set up a fake profile that way. It took a while to get used to having to message first on Bumble (especially within the 24 hour limit) but I prefer it now as it means I can start the conversation with something more lively than the “Hi” or “You’re fit” or “Netflix and chill?” that I tended to receive on Tinder… 
The main downsides are that it’s a numbers game, so you have to accept that not everyone you swipe right on will match, not everyone you match with will chat, not every chat will result in a date, not every date will result in a second date etc, which adds up to quite a lot of rejection (but then that works both ways, it’s just the nature of it). I’ve only ever used the apps whilst living in London, so there’s never a shortage of guys (but then there is more female competition too). 
I’ve been on a lot of dates through the apps; I’ve had some fantastic dates, some of which have turned into something more (both deleting the app is pretty much tantamount to having The Chat), and a couple of awful ones too. Even the bad dates turn into funny stories though, and what I’ve discovered is that you can still have an enjoyable date, even if you don’t think there’s enough of a spark there for the two of you to have a future."

We'll see how it goes with using the app, and I'll be interested to see what the girls think too. Personally I always tend to fall for 'normal' guys from your average background. My ex-boyfriend who I was with for three years was Australian, and very Australian at that. I took him to a couple of my social events in London and he legit thought Roger Federer was Australian (yeh, I laughed too). On the other hand, the one time I dated a banker I felt like punching him in the face every time he opened his mouth. It didn't last long. So you see the dilemma I face! Maybe I just need to move back to Australia where I don't have to worry about them fitting into my crazy social life and owning white tie ;)

And RE the GIFs in this post - if you haven't seen Summer Heights High or Ja'mie Private School Girl you're missing out and I demand you watch this right now, and then watch this. Chris Lilley is a genius. And obvs all the GIFs in this post are jokes.

*This is a paid collaboration between Luxy and Lux Life.


  1. I literally can't believe it's called Luxy! I love that. I remember uttering the line 'He asked me to meet him at Leicester Square...why...just why!?' when I was dating. The worst bit is you're just standing awkwardly outside a busy station! So much better to meet at a bar!

  2. ninegrandstudent02/08/2016, 19:28

    I suppose I could be classed as lucky as I have no dating experience - I started sixth form at the age of sixteen, fancied a guy, he fancied me back, we were 'together' in a month and six years later the ring is firmly on my finger and we're planning the wedding! However there are times when I do think I missed out, whilst I wouldn't change what we have for the world I can't offer friends advice or really join in with that kind of conversation too much! x

    NINEGRANDSTUDENT: A Lifestyle Blog

  3. I thought you just launched an app! Haha!
    I can totally relate to Anon #7! Unforch, my first serious boyfriend was exactly like that guy and I was foolish enough to stay with him for two years! UGH! This sounds like a good idea!! x

  4. Hahaha! You're not the first one to say that ;) Luxy were in a magazine last year and I had a heap of friends sending me photos of it, asking if it was me who had started it! Lol!

    C x

  5. I know right, I can't believe it has the same name as my nickname haha - my friends think it's hilarious! Totally agree - meeting in a bar rather than a station is so much better. Thankfully I've only had a couple of station ones and I already knew the guys fairly well so it wasn't as bad.

    C x


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