Thursday, 11 February 2016

When Life Isn't as Perfect as it Seems.

I think it's very easy when you're a luxury lifestyle blogger to portray this glamorous easy life. A life that makes others envious, and a life that makes people go 'Oh you're so lucky!' whenever they see you and ask what you've been up to. The thing is though, although it looks glossy on the outside, deep down it isn't all fun and games. Underneath it all we're just normal people with normal problems. I don't want to hide my struggles from you all, I respect you too much...especially those of you who have followed my adventures for years, and I don't want any of you thinking that it's just one big barrel of laughs, because it ain't. Life just isn't like that.

I guess I need a vent. I need somewhere to vent my frustrations at what I currently have going on inside my head and my body, and to utilize my little corner of the internet for what it was originally created for; an outlet for me. I hope you're OK with that. I'm not really sure where to start though...


Yeh, I'm pretty darn lucky when it comes to travel. Not only do I have disposable income to stay in luxury hotels and basically go wherever I want, I also get incredible opportunities through my blog. However, the downside to being able to travel often is that sometimes you have to ditch opportunities or not go somewhere you really want to go to because you don't want to go alone, and you don't have any friends that have extra holiday days or who don't want to go on holiday without their boyfriend because they'd rather spend their holiday days with them. Fair enough (and for those who say 'travel solo!' - no. I just can't, sorry, I've tried it and I like to share memories and moments far too much). Then I think about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend again to travel with and experience all these cool things with, which leads me onto the next...

My Single Status

For the past few years it hasn't bothered me. I was in a three year very full-on relationship (we had a joint bank account, and he still has the engagement ring), so the past few years I've enjoyed taking time out to discover who I really am as an individual. I've enjoyed dating guys, but never really liked a guy enough to break my single status (thankfully though a couple of them understood and agreed to be friends, and I adore them as friends). Lately though, people are piling on the pressure. And let me tell you, being told that you'll be too old (I'm 24, 25 in April) and no one will want you is the quickest way to destroy every ounce of confidence and make me feel like a big pile of shit. Even if they're just joking, every time they bring it up it feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest. Mainly because the past six months or so I've realised I'm ready for another relationship now...except I don't want to stay in the I know that getting into something then leaving would be a disaster (just look at what happened last time...).

The Country Thing

I've made no secret of the fact I don't want to stay in the country long-term. Everyone knows; my family, my friends, heck...even my colleagues know as the first thing I told my boss when I first started at the company was 'I wanna move back to Australia at some point'. I can't say too much, and right now nothing is definite, but ideally I'd like to move back within the next year (some of you will know more about this). Although I'm super excited for the future and seeing a different side to Australia (I'm hoping to live in Sydney rather than Perth this time), at the same time it scares me to leave friends that I love so much. Even though I've done it before, I know that when I leave certain dynamics and friendships will change drastically, and a couple of those friendships are worth so much to me that it honestly terrifies me that I won't see those people regularly. I'm not sure how my heart will cope.


So my health isn't great right now. I never really talk about this kind of thing because, ya know, I reckon brands will look at a venting/issue post like this and go 'nah, we won't work with her, she's not on-brand'. But whatevs. Anyway. The past six months or so my asthma has been in, so bad I can barely walk up a flight of stairs without needing my inhaler. I had my asthma review recently and the nurse was pretty horrified at the state of my lungs. It's really gross, but they're basically full of mucus, which is causing them to tighten, and then I basically can't breathe. So I have to have four puffs of the brown inhahler ever day now to get rid of the mucus *yum*.

On top of the asthma there's the ongoing issue with my eye eczema, it's been really bad lately and I keep getting just one patch of it under my eye in exactly the same place. I'll use my 'magic' cream, it'll go away...then it returns a few days later and goes all swollen and dry and nasty again. Again a trip to the doctor was needed, and they think I might have something wrong with a tear duct (my parents reckon I need to cry more, lol). Ugh. The worst thing is it's right on my face and so my confidence has plummeted...especially as I'm not allowed to wear any makeup on it at the moment so I'm walking around looking as though I've been punched in the face constantly.

Then, there's the sort of biggie issue. Yeh. Told you it wasn't great right now. The biggie issue is my throat. For the past 18 months I've had a cough and sore feels as though there's a huge lump in my throat, I struggle to swallow, and I can no longer eat nuts (sob), or really dry foods without choking on them. I mean, it's so bad that my voice has's all croaky constantly, people can never hear or understand me over the phone, and there are some people I know who have never heard my actual real voice. I've been to the doctor countless times, each time they just prescribed me with antibiotics which always make me super sick, and sent me on my way despite my protests and tears. Then I put my foot down and told them to send me to a private specialist, so they did. 10 minutes with this specialist gave me my answer.

I have lingual tonsils the size of plums. And my adenoids have grown back for the fourth time (they're supposed to disappear when you're nine, I last had them removed when I was 18...). Lingual tonsils are tonsils at the very bottom of your tongue about half way down your throat...they're supposed to be flat, but mine for some reason are huge swollen lumps, hence the feeling I have a lump in my throat...because I actually do have a lump in my throat. To the doctors who thought I was just being a hypochondriac and it was 'just a sore throat' - fuck you. So as you can imagine, a restricted airway and throat combined with shit asthma means I'm basically a total mess. I had to have an MRI scan last week so they can see exactly what we're dealing with, then I'll maybe have to have them removed, and if they remove them they'll take a biopsy (possibly the scariest word I've ever heard a doctor say) to make sure there's nothing bad that's caused them to get so big.


As you can imagine, all of these issues and the asthma problem mean my exercise pretty much came to a stand still. I stopped swimming, I stopped walking to work, and I gained about 7kg despite eating way too much salad lately (I thought I'd lost weight as I feel like I look slimmer...but the hospital scales last week said otherwise). So now that my lungs are slightly better after a few weeks of using this brown inhaler regularly, I've decided to reclaim my body. I re-joined the gym last week and so far have been four times. I'm starting off slowly; with 30-45 minute sessions of cardio, mixed with some kettlebells and weights at home. I need to build my lungs back up before I can start doing anything too strenuous, but I'm hoping to get in a few PT sessions in March to help. I'm just sick of feeling unhealthy and out of shape, and I desperately want to get back to my teenage days of being around the 60kg mark. What I'm doing isn't much, but it's a start. And those 30minutes or so of exercise is much better for me than what I'd be doing if I wasn't in the gym (out drinking).


I know I've been a terrible blogger lately. My posting times and days has been all over the place, I've barely been commenting on other people's posts, I've barely been doing anything on social media, and I've just generally been rubbish at championing fellow bloggers lately. Heck, I haven't even been championing myself - at the moment I'm averaging around one promotional 'read this post' tweet a day! The thing is though, it's really hard with a full time job, having a social life, and now exercising to find time to do these things. And to be honest, with all these health issues and feeling a bit down in the dumps, I just haven't even really wanted to go on social media. So to my fellow bloggers, I'm really sorry for being so rubbish lately.

So to round this up, basically I have all these little stresses that are really getting to me. I'm struggling with emotions and thoughts going round in my head, and I feel awful about just being a bit rubbish with everything and everyone at the moment. The thing is though, right now, I really need to look after myself. I need to concentrate on getting my health back on track, and I need to concentrate on giving myself time to get better. Then when I'm better, I can really throw myself back into everything. Ya know, right now I just want someone to look after me and cuddle me. 

Anywho, I hope you'll stick with me and understand! Sorry for this huge vent :/
Love you all x

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  1. Sorry to hear what a difficult time you've been having, it sounds really tough. Hopefully sharing your experience will take the pressure off and don't worry, we'll all still be here reading about your adventures :-)

  2. Oh Catherine! Be kind to yourself. You're going through a lot right now and it sounds really, really overwhelming. When things are right with our health, it's really panic-inducing. You're doing wonderfully well to just get through it all and your community of readers (including me!) are here to support you and cheer you on! xx

  3. Love your honesty in this one Catherine. I think more bloggers should be honest about how they're really feeling instead of painting a view of their constantly glossy life. This must have taken some guts! Hope you're looking after yourself and taking some time out to yourself. Sounds like you have some very exciting plans brewing as well as the less nice stuff. Looking forward to hearing about the Australia move!

    Polly xx
    Follow Your Sunshine

  4. Wish I could give you a hot chocolate and a big cuddle! I hope you have a lovely relaxing weekend planned that involves not changing out of your pjs! Lotte xxx

  5. I know it's sometimes hard to switch off from all the blogging and social media but your health is obviously more important so you need to put that first. Stressing about it will just make you feel worse and we'll all still be here when you get back to your old self! Good for you at putting your foot down at the doctors and at least you now know what it is so you can work towards getting better.

    Sending lots of hugs and kisses your way xx

  6. Sometimes you just need a good vent. I am so sorry to hear of you health problems related to your lungs etc. That is the worst of it. I was 28 when I met Luke so 24/5 is not too old AT ALL!! The good ones don't all get taken and all of that stuff. I hope you get the throat thing sorted soon and it is just something that is easily fixable x

  7. What a lot you have on, I hope that you get better soon, health first then you are back to you, believe me I know, it all works! Look forward to travels and happy things again soon and feeling good! Xx

  8. So sad to read this and as others say well done for being honest. I've always admired the honesty of your blog, you're truthful but very balanced. It's great to see you've upheld the personality of your blog rather than being tempted by too many sponsored offers. I'm especially sad to read that you've not been well but it does look like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Also I met Mr S at 28, so you've got a few years :)

  9. Hi Catherine, I was wondering whether it might be worth you seeing someone who specializes in Chinese medicine to treat your whole body holistically rather than just the symptoms. For holidays, it's understandable that you want to share them with someone. When I was single, I went on a few holidays where you meet up with other people at the destination and they were good company

  10. Catherine. I'm so sorry to hear of all these issues you're having to deal with - life can be so unfair sometimes and I really hope that your health improves ASAP so you can get back to enjoying life. You're so young with so much to give, don't EVER let anyone make you feel otherwise. They can literally do one. Thank you for being so honest and open and I hope you know how many people are here for you, including me. Lots of love, Andrea xxx

    Andrea's Passions

  11. That quote is so spot on, I couldn't agree with it more. You should never be afraid to vent, everyone is equally entitled to have their say even if some are 'more equal' than others - I'm talking about 'perceived privilege, but anyway, digressing...

    ...I know you've heard every variant of "It will get better" and "Time will heal/put things into perspective/knock the ouchies out of your memory" so I'm not going to repeat those phrases, but rather: You and your health is the most important thing. Take care of your health and everything else will fall into place; blog, life, mind etc. We're not going anywhere! ;) x

    Jasiminne: Posh, Broke, & Bored

  12. Sending you all the good juju - sometimes a good vent can work wonders!

  13. Oh what a tough time - I find everything feels worse when I'm ill and having your symptoms dismissed must make it even harder. Hope writing this helped.

  14. Catherine, I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been having to deal with. It especially sucks when our health isn't 100%, because it makes everything else so hard to get through. Well done you on being truthful about all this though - more bloggers should be like this :) And if it's any consolation, I think you're doing just fine with the ol' blogging. Always enjoy reading your posts!

  15. jayneytravels08/03/2016, 07:35

    Sending lots of digital love and hugs. Fingers crossed now a doc has worked out your throat problem they can begin to fix it. And if you do decide to move back to Oz (OMG how exciting!) you'll have a blogger bud waiting here to have cake with you :)

  16. Aw thank you Jayne! They figured it out and I was supposed to have an operation on Wednesday but they've cancelled it :( hopefully they rearrange it soon! YAY :) I bloody love cake. I just want all the lamingtons. Haha!


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